Abiding Love
by airwolf addict
Summary: story seventeen. Ellie Mae has to fight against her true emotions for what she really wants, but some things just weren't meant to be...or were they?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Ellie Mae slumped back down onto the sofa. She needed to do something. The house looked like a tornado went through it, and every day it grew worse, if that was possible, but she didn't feel like it. In all actuality, she hadn't done much of anything the last few days. Joshua had snacks whenever he got hungry and ate whatever he wanted, typically leaving empty wrappers or dirty dished throughout the house. She ate occasionally if she happened to be shuffling through the kitchen. Her reason for this sudden sluggish, depressive state was still had not happened all too long ago. About seven weeks ago her husband had been murdered. Cursory investigations said suicide, but she couldn't believe it. In her desperation, she went to see a man she knew would do anything he could to help, Stringfellow Hawke. At first he mentioned his MIA brother Saint John, and she was worried that she'd made a mistake in asking him. Sure, she and Saint John had been close, really close, but she couldn't honestly hold out the devout hope he was still alive after all these years; he would have been in a Vietcong prison for almost twenty years! She soon found however while he had been over there a long time, not quite that long. After spending half his life searching, String finally found his brother; she was happy for him, although a little ashamed that she had given up hope on the guy of her dreams. Things between her and Saint John would never be the same again though, they couldn't be. String was dead and it was all her fault. He was killed by the same one that had killed Arthur. Saint John could never forgive her; he owned his life to his brother, but he wouldn't even be able to start repaying him because String was dead. What could you do to help a dead person?

Ellie thought about flipping through the TV channels, but decided against it. There probably wasn't anything to lift her mood. She trudged into the kitchen and pulled a half eaten carton of ice cream out of the freezer and a spoon from the drawer. The doorbell rang just as she plopped back down on the sofa. She ignored it; whoever it was would come back if it was important. Joshua ran to the door.

"Josh wait," she called after him, but he didn't even hesitate at flinging the door open to the stranger.

Saint John came face to face with a blonde, blue eyed, six year old boy who stared wide eyed back up at him. Does Ellie Mae live here?" he asked tentatively, hoping he had gotten the right house.

The little boy ran off into the back parts of the house. Did that mean yes or no? Saint John wondered. His question was quickly answered when she came to the door.

"Saint John," she said uncomfortably. "I, uh…" What was she supposed to say? "Look, I'm really sorry about your brother."

Saint John spoke to her for the first time since he had shown up, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I tried to call, but didn't get any answer."

"I'm fine." Tears started to roll down her cheeks. "Ok, I'm not fine," she sobbed, "but how can I be? It's all my fault. I shouldn't have even brought him into this mess." She continued bawling, "Arthur was bad enough, does it really matter if he killed himself or someone else did? He's just as dead, and now….and now String…."

Saint John wrapped comporting arms around her. "Ellie, it's alright," he soothed.

"It's not alright; it's all my fault!" she wailed.

Saint John continued talking to her in soothing tones, but to no avail.

His warmth, it was comforting, he was comforting, but it wouldn't work, and she knew it which made her cry all the more. "I'm sorry. I just wish there was something I could do," she sniffed, rigidly pulling away from what her heart wanted most-somebody to love, to love her, not just anyone- Saint John.

He settled onto the corner of the sofa and pulled her gently to relax against him. There wasn't any use in trying to calm her; it wouldn't work, so he just sat there with her in his arms, offering the silent comfort and compassion. Eventually, all her energy was spent and she fell asleep.

Once convinced she was truly asleep, Saint John carefully scooted off the sofa and carried her to her bedroom. After she was settled in her own bed, he made his way into the kitchen and began looking for something to fix to eat. Finally he settled on grilled cheese and tomato soup. Still trying to be quiet so as not to wake Ellie Mae, he hunted for a clean pot. None was to be found. His apartment was by no means clean, but this….this was disastrous. In the living room alone he found a carton of melting ice cream, a bag of stale potato chips, and empty dinner plate, and half of an uneaten pizza. While she was asleep he might as well pick up a little; it sure couldn't hurt.

As he picked up and threw the trash away, he realized most of this had been in the last few weeks. Hardly any dust was around, and all the carpets were freshly vacuumed except for the area next to the couch and the coffee table. "At least she doesn't normally live like this," he said consoling himself."

An hour later, Ellie opened two tired brown eyes. A questioning glance confirmed it; she was in her room. But how? She pulled on her robe and shuffled down the hallway. Someone was in her kitchen, but who? Saint John would have no reason for sticking around. She doubted, however, that they, whoever it was, weren't any threat since he was cooking in her kitchen. It was Saint John. She seated herself at the little dining table in the adjacent room.

"Smells good," she commented. Probably anything warm would though; she hadn't had a proper meal in over a week now.

"Hope it tastes as good as it smells then," he said as he carried in a bowl and matching saucer. "What do you want to drink?"

She looked longingly at the creamy tomato soup and the steamy grilled cheese sandwich. "Anything is good."

He poured her a tall glass of milk.

"Thanks," she said gratefully between mouthfuls. "For the food and the cleaning. I'm grateful, but you didn't have to do anything."

"No problem," he said, shrugging off the thank you. It was still only one o'clock. "If you want, I fly you to dinner. That is, if you don't mind vegetarian."

She gave him a puzzled look. "How long have you been vegetarian? And why fly?" Somehow Saint John Hawke just didn't look like the vegetarian type, and she'd think he got enough flying during the day, not to mention the fact most restaurants didn't have enough room for landing many helicopters.

"I'm not, but I have a feeling that's what String will want, and if you don't fly you have to get there by horseback or walking and that's a tough way to get to dinner, not to mention time consuming."

'String _would_ want,' she mentally corrected, 'if he were alive.' It would do her good to get out of the house for a while though. "Yeah, I'd like to go. What time should I be ready?"

"I'll pick you up at six," Saint John offered.

"Ok. I'll be ready." And anxiously awaiting you.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Dressed in a nice, but not too nice, green knit top and dark blue jeans, Ellie finished fixing her hair just as the doorbell rang. She grabbed her purse and answered the door. Saint John stood at the door, his hair still damp, indicating his recent shower.

"You look nice," she commented approvingly.

"This? Nah. You though, you look beautiful."

She self consciously looked down at her blouse. "Is it really ok? I didn't know exactly what you had in mind for dinner."

"It's perfect. Ready to go?"

"Just one minute." She called Joshua. "I have to drop him off next door then I'll be ready."

Ellie dropped Josh off with the neighbor and climbed into the front seat of the Jet Ranger next to Saint John. Soon they were off.

"So, what's for dinner?" she asked casually.

"I still don't know," Saint John smiled wryly. "Vegetarian."

A distressed look crossed her face, and he thought she was going to start crying all over again. What was wrong with vegetarian? She said it was alright, but every time he said it, she got this guilty, grief stricken look.

"Is that still ok? If you want we could go somewhere else. I just thought you might like to see everyone again."

'Everyone but String,' she thought miserably. 'Maybe going to dinner wasn't such a great idea after all.' "Where," she hesitated, "where did you say we were going?"

Saint John thought for a moment. "You know, I don't think I ever did tell you; we're going up to… Hold on." He took an abrupt left turn. "Sorry 'bout that."

"What was that sudden turn for?" she queried.

"I was talking to you and almost forgot about the restricted area. Anyhow, we're going up to String's cabin for dinner."

'String's cabin.' She felt another guilty blow. Dinner had been a really bad idea, but how could Saint John act as if nothing in the world was wrong? She knew how close they'd been. Why did he now not seem to mind his brother's being dead?

"Saint John," she tried to collect herself; she wanted to tell him how much she still loved him, maybe one day… No he couldn't love her-not anymore, especially after what happened to his brother because of her, although he didn't really seem to care. Was it really not that big of a deal to him? She shook the notion out of her head. Maybe he was just acting strong for her; he didn't want her to feel guilty. But if he didn't like her, at least as a friend, though why was he taking her to dinner?

"Yeah, Ellie," he answered.

"Do you remember back in Da Nang?"

\A/

… "Love….Do you love me Saint John?"

"Do I love being alive?" he asked seriously.

"Don't say that," she mumbled.

"Ellie, I'm just kiddin'"

"Ok, but not here, not about that."

"I'd love you at home," he said seriously.

She smiled. "So are we going to get married and have lots of kids?"

"Yep. Lots of kids."

Their lips met for a brief kiss, not caring who was around watching them.

"Lots of very beautiful kids…" Saint John's voice faded out just as he had faded out of her life for the last eighteen years.

\A/

"Yeah, I remember. Those were good times. You know, in between the battles," he added.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Why? You still want to take me up on that offer?"

She couldn't tell if he was joking or serious. Of course she did; her love for Saint John Hawke had never truly disappeared even after all these years she realized, but he had to be kidding after what happened to String because of her, although his insensitivity about that still puzzled her. Even if he was serious, which he couldn't be, he wanted kids with her, not Arthur's kid. Now she felt guilty again. Not only was he dead, and yes she had loved him, but it was now that she truly realized where her heart was.

She laughed half heartedly, giving no actual answer.

"Just to warn you though, I'm a packaged deal."

"A packaged deal?" she repeated questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Family. You know Dom, Cait, String…"

His thought process was interrupted as they came upon the cabin. He landed professionally.

"Chance, and the other catch, the one that would affect you the most, is Le."

"Le?" she reiterated. It was a Vietnamese name and String didn't have any children other than Chance. Le-she tried to place the name; sure she had heard him use it sometime.

"He's my son," Saint John replied.

"Oh."

"I figured I ought to let you know up front," he explained.

"Well, I guess we could be closer to lots of kids than I thought, but to let you know up front, the kid you saw at my house, if you didn't already guess, is mine and Arthur's."

Saint John restarted the helicopter and sent it back in the direction they'd just come.

'Well, this is it. She had been right; he wanted his children not Arthur's.' She sighed. Joshua was hers and she wasn't about to leave him even if that meant no Saint John Hawke.

The journey was silent. Now he'd be late for dinner, she had just ruined all chances with Saint John, and String was still dead. Staying out of all of their lives would have been so much better, and saved her a lot of unnecessary grief. Nothing could be changed now, but if she had it to do all over again… Her thoughts drifted, thinking about life might have been without Saint John at all, with Saint John, if Saint John hadn't been MIA all those years, and if Arthur hadn't gotten killed, mentally picturing the differences in her life.

They were almost back to her house. She gathered her purse and prepared to get out when they landed.

"What is your neighbor's name?" he inquired.

What difference did it make? "Mrs. Garder, why?"

He gave no explanation, only landed off to the side. "I really wish you had told me he was your son a long time ago."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Ellie carried a bemused expression. Wasn't she supposed to be the one getting out? This was it; goodbye Saint John Hawke. Why then was she still seated in the Jet Ranger as he climbed out and dashed across the lawn?

He returned up a minute later with an excited five year old in tow.

"Momma, Momma! This nice man-Sin-Jin is gonna take us for a helichopter ride!"

She glanced at him, perplexed.

"He deserves to meet everyone," Saint John explained, "but I really should have guessed that he was yours." He shook his head to himself, silently scolding himself for being so ignorant.

Ellie Mae smiled. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope after all.

\A/

Forty five minutes later, they landed on the dock. Ellie looked out at the picturesque cabin with fading rays of sunlight leaving only a shiny glint on the waters, further adding to the majesty of the area. "It's beautiful-the cabin, mountains, lake, music. Wait, where was the music coming from?"

"The porch," Saint John replied while helping the child out of his seat in the back.

She looked toward the cabin, and sure enough, a beautiful Stradivarius cello was being expertly played by String. She ran up the steps and threw her arms around him, interrupting his play.

"Glad to see you too."

"Sorry for messing you up, but it's just… I thought you were dead. The bank thing and the reporter…"

She saw the slightly pained look in his eyes as he slipped his arms back down to his sides.

"I didn't hurt you did I? Oh, I'm so sorry," he words came out all jumbled.

"I'm alright," he assured her, "just a little sore."

"How bad is it?" she asked. "I'll pay for the medical bills somehow. It would only be fair; actually it still wouldn't be fair, but I'll do anything I can."

He hushed her. "The medical bills are taken care of. I only spent one night there and it was just a minor graze, a graze that saved my life."

She looked confused.

"Not important. I'm glad to see you again and I really am alright. I thought Saint John was supposed to have already told you and brought you up to dat on everything since we couldn't get a hold of you on the phone."

Now she felt guilty about not answering the phone during her depressive state. At least he was alright. Relief and joy flooded through her;nobody would ever be able to understand it, and that was fine. All of them were same and sound, that was what mattered.

"Go ahead on in. Caitlin's been looking forward to seeing you."

She agreed, having enough babbling like an idiot, and went inside.

"Do you go out looking for kids or do they just find you?" he asked his brother.

"They find me. Just think of how bad it'd be if I were looking for them." Saint John walked up the porch steps. "This is Joshua." He stooped down to Josh's level, "and that is String."

"String," he repeated.

"Now come on, let's see if we can find something to eat around here."

String followed them in as Ellie came back to the front door. "Dinner's on, but I can't find Caitlin around here anywhere, or any signs of any little boys other than Joshua."

String hurried into the kitchen to make sure dinner was ok. "I forgot. She said something about having to leave, and she'd be back."

"Where'd she go?" Saint John inquired.

"The hangar. She was just dropping me off then going back for Le, Dom, and Chance."

"Because I was off with the other chopper," Saint John reasoned. "If I'd known, I could have picked them up on the way here and saved her the extra trip."

"You wouldn't have all fit; besides, she dropped me off early, before the hangar was even closed."

"How come?"

String shook his head in disgust. "I was busy today, and she was afraid I would hurt my arm worse somehow."

He cocked his head toward the sky. "They're coming in now, and Le's flying."

Ellie stared, amazed. "How can you tell?"

He shrugged. "I heard them coming, and somehow Le just flies differently."

They landed and the rest of the group climbed out, and introductions were made.

\A/

Ellie looked down at her watch; it was ten thirty already. Stifling a yawn, she got up from her seat to look for Joshua. Caitlin followed her across the room.

"If you're looking for Joshua, he's playing in Chance's bedroom."

"Where is that?"

"I'll show you," Caitlin offered and led the way upstairs.

Ellie thanked her while summoning Josh to join her. "I really do appreciate all of this. It was nice getting to see everybody, dinner was excellent, and I had a great time; and by the looks of it, he did too."

Cait smiled. "Anytime, it was good having you."

On the trip back the exhausted boy immediately fell asleep. "I wish you would've told me String was alive earlier, but I had such a good time. How can I ever repay you?"

"Repay me?" he repeated as a question. He had thought he had told her about String being alive though. Maybe he had forgotten after his unexpected greeting and the long minutes of sobbing before she'd fallen asleep... I guess I did forget to tell her, he finally figured. I wish I had realized that earlier and told her. would have made both our lives easier and saved her a lot of heartache.

"You know, coming to check up on me, fixing lunch, cleaning my house, inviting me to dinner… Wow, you did even more than I thought. There most be something I can do."

"Nah, you needed a boost and I just happened to be the one to give it; it really wasn't a big deal."

Not really a big deal-so none of this had been because he still loved her. She was just in need, and he was helpful. She should've seen it coming; just because she still loved him, didn't necessarily mean he felt the same way.

"Anything. I owe you," she tried. Even if it was out of sympathy instead of love, he still deserved something.

"Anything?" he asked mischievously. "Ok, how about dinner Friday night?"

"Sounds good to me. What do you like?"

Anything but hospital food. For all I care, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"I think I can do a little better than that," she laughed.

"Fine by me. I'll arrange for childcare."

"Friday it is."

He dropped her off at her door, "say sevenish?"

"Perfect. I'll see you Friday."

He gave her a gentle hug and went back to the Jet Ranger.

He returned a moment later carrying Joshua. "Forget something? Just show me where his room is and I'll leave him there."

She led him down the hallway to a cozy blue walled boy's room, and watched as Saint John gingerly set her child down, tucking the blankets around him.

"Looks like you're an old pro."

"I don't think so. When Le first came to live with me I was totally clueless; I'd never really taken care of kids all that much, at least Le was twelve by then. I just wished I hadn't missed so many years out of his life."

"Things like this, they make you think. I mean, I loved Arthur, but I don't think that's were my heart was, and he was perfectly fine that morning. I never would have thought about him getting killed. You have to consider yourself blessed for everyday you get. I didn't want it to happen my any means, but I guess I have to make the most of it. I also plan to make the most of my time with Josh. Kids, they grow up so fast."

"They do," Saint John agreed. "Well, I guess I ought to be going now that it's almost midnight."

"Goodnight."

He dropped a tender kiss on her and turned to leave. "See you Friday."

Yeah, Friday. She could hardly wait.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Friday morning Ellie bustled around the house making sure everything was perfect for when Saint John arrived that evening. For dinner, she planned balsamic chicken with roasted carrots, rice, and bottle of white wine for them to share. She had the table set and everything ready to be cooked by two thirty. She flopped back into a plush arm chair to relax. She flipped through the channels on TV, trying to find something decent to watch. Finally deciding on an old movie rerun. Not realizing how tired she was, she dozed off during the movie.

The chiming of the grandfather clock on the opposite wall woke her and had her hurriedly rushing to get a shower, fix her make up then dressing in nice jeans and a sweater Arthur had bought for her. She took the sweater off only seconds after putting it on. She couldn't do it. Shrugging into a three quarter sleeve, striped button down blouse instead. Next, the food was put on, and she readied Joshua to go. The thought was kind of disconcerting; she didn't even know where her son was going. But she trusted Saint John.

The doorbell rang at seven sharp. The door flew open, but Ellie managed to refrain from just melting into his arms. A second look told her it wasn't even who she was expecting at all.

"String?"

"Yeah. Saint John isn't here by any chance is he?" String asked hopefully.

"Not yet, why?"

"I haven't seen him since dinner at the cabin Wednesday night. Evidently, Michael had some-" he caught himself before he said too much. "Had something for him to do, but he should have already been back. I've called the apartment already and every place I can think of, but no luck."

"He's supposed to show up around seven, so if you want to wait around feel free," she offered, hoping this wouldn't impede with her dinner plans, but whatever his brother wanted him for was probably more important.

"No, that's alright, but if he does show up, give me a call at the hangar."

"No problem."

String had just climbed into the Jet Ranger when he decided to try reaching Airwolf again.

"Santini One to Airwolf, do you read?"

Only silence.

"Airwolf, come in."

Still nothing.

Where could they be?

He radioed Michael again. "Where were Saint John and Mike headed?"

Michael knew his exact intentions.

"Hawke, if I tell you, you'll go after them. Believe me, I want to, but if they're just running behind schedule going in after them could ruin everything."

"What if they aren't just running late?" String growled. "What if they're hurt?"

"Just give it some more time," Michael tried to calm him. "If we haven't heard from them in four hours, I'll send zebra squad in after them."

"That's not good enough, Michael."

"It's going to have to be," he ended the transmission. Loosing his temper with Hawke wouldn't help anything, but going in all hotheaded and riled up wouldn't either.

String swung by the hangar and Le jumped in; he took off again before anyone had a chance to stop him. "Fly towards Knightsbridge and fly high," String directed Le.

Le obeyed without question although he did wonder why.

String focused on trying to reach Airwolf. 'Come on Angel, where are you?'

The answer he received wasn't much help, like mental static. Where could they be? For all he knew, they could be directly below him, twenty thousand feet above them, or on the other side of the ocean. There wasn't any logical way to even begin looking for them. They were almost to Knightsbridge when he thought he was actually starting to get somewhere.

"Keep going," he told Le.

"Where?"

"Nowhere. Just keep flying in this direction."

He kept on flying.

String reached over to try the radio again.

"Santini One to Airwolf, do you copy?"

This time he got static.

"Where are you and is everything alright?"

More static, but he understood the words 'down' and 'out.' Down as in on the ground, low altitude, or systems are down? What about out?

"You're really choppy. Will you repeat?"

"….down….Sinj….out…" was all he caught.

"Le, fly a little lower and be on the lookout for Airwolf anywhere." He mentally tried reaching Airwolf again. 'Airwolf, are you there?'

More mental static, which was extremely painful and way too loud, but how do you turn down something that's only in your head? Finally he started to get something, but the message was all garbled. He wasn't in the mood to play word scramble, but, not having many options, he did his best.

Irritation was starting to get the better of him. Where were they and what was wrong? Something had to be. He considered trying to contact Michael again, but decided against it; he probably wouldn't be much help and radioing him would jeopardize the frail link he was beginning to establish with Airwolf.

Still not having much luck in reaching them. He tried yet again.

"String the radio crackled. The message was choppy, but mostly understandable. "Michael… mission successful, systems failure… need help."

"Where are you?" String asked, hoping the connection wasn't lost yet.

No answer.

"Where?" String repeated.

Mike started giving coordinates to their location, but the message was too staticy to understand them clearly.

"One more time."

"Down… near Valley…." Mike said. The radio crackled again and the connection was lost. No matter what he tried he couldn't reestablish it.

Retaking control of the helicopter, String director the Jet Ranger toward the Valley of the Gods. Wishing he had the scanners and equipment available in Airwolf, he began his search for the Lady, Mike, and Saint John.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Ellie stared up at the clock and watched as the minutes slowly ticked by. It was now nearing nine thirty. Dinner was stone cold, but she was more worried about Saint John. He was missing and obviously String was worried. He said Michael, who is if she remembered correctly his friend at the FIRM, had something for him to do, but didn't expound on any further details.

Ellie picked up the phone and dialed the number String had left her. Caitlin answered.

"Has there been any update?" Ellie queried.

Caitlin shook her head, then realizing Ellie couldn't see her, said, "No. String came by about two hours ago, picked up Le, and left. I'm beginning to get worried about them too."

"Thanks. Please just tell me if you find out anything."

\A/

Michael picked up the phone, having sent Marella home around eight.

"What's going on and where is everybody?" Dom interrogated.

"Saint John and Mike were on a mission for me," Michael explained," but we lost radio contact with them and have been unsuccessful in locating them. If Hawke has gone missing too, he is no doubt looking for them."

"I want to learn something new," Dominic grumbled. "See if you can find out something." He hung up the phone no better informed than before the call. He wandered around his apartment wishing there was something he could do and hoping everything was alright.

\A/

Caitlin scrounged up a little something to eat and fed Chance. Afterwards, she tucked him in with the blanket she'd brought in his playpen. "I guess we're sleeping here tonight." With Saint John and Mike taking the Jet Ranger to the Lair, and String taking the second one to look for them, she had no way of getting back to the cabin. She pulled out the cot and settled on it, trying to fall asleep. Sleep evaded her, only worry crossed her mind. What if something had happened during the Airwolf mission? What about String and Le? She desperately tried to rid herself of those thoughts and sleep, but some good news sure would have helped.

Chance rolled around restlessly. He can't sleep well either, she thought dryly. Hopefully morning would dawn with good news-and soon.

\A/

"Any sign of them?" String asked his young copilot. Concern was building up more each minute. The Valley of the Gods was a big area and it would be easy to miss them, and time could be crucial depending on if either of them was injured.

"No," Le replied as bravely as he could. The way he understood it, he was supposed to spend the evening with Mike and Joshua at Mike's apartment. Lots of movies and pizza were anticipated, not a night above the cold desert valley looking for his father, Mike, and Airwolf.

"We'll find them," String promised him, hoping they'd both be in one piece when he did find them/ "It's too dark," he muttered under his breath. Some extra light would be really helpful right about now. "This is hopeless," he finally admitted. "They could be right underneath us and we'd never see them." He carefully landed in the darkness below. "I guess we'll have to wait until morning to continue the search," hoping it would be too late, but it wouldn't do them any good to mope around in the pitch-black midnight that engulfed the valley.

"Wait!" Le said suddenly. He peered ahead into the dark night. Nothing, then a greenish glow, then nothing again. It could be Airwolf's computers, but why would they be going on and off like that? Mike had said something about a systems failure; maybe that was the systems trying to reboot themselves unsuccessfully.

A new glimmer of hope, fighting back the hopeless defeat that had almost triumphed.

"Good job Le. Let's go find them."

They gathered two flashlights, jackets, and prepared themselves to go searching through the cold desolate land.

"Should we bring the first aid kit?" Le asked. "In case one of them if hurt."

String shook his head. "It's a good idea, but it'd be more to carry and Airwolf has a good first aid kit on board, better than this one actually."

Once they had gathered everything, they slipped into their jackets, took the flashlights and began the hunt on foot.

\A/

Mike sat in the quiet cockpit; not even the usual hum emitted form the computers was there. It was so lifeless, almost dead. Scanning the darkness, he looked for something to console himself, to prove things were starting to turn up and everything would be alright.

He looked at Saint John, still in the pilot's seat where he'd been for quite some time. "I sure hope he's ok," Rivers said aloud, his own voice the only noise to interrupt the deafening silence. He was afraid to move Saint John in fear of him having some neck injury he would only worsen, but the still man with a bloody gash on the left side of his forehead wasn't what he would call comforting. "Head wounds always bleed a lot," he told himself over and over again. "It's probably only something minor." He still worried though. He shifted his sore arm uncomfortably. All there was left to do was to wait and pray that everything would work out. He looked at Saint John once more; oh, and pray, lots of praying.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

_Somewhere in the Valley of the Gods…_

String traveled across the seemingly endless growing stretch of darkness, Le trailing along behind him. The earlier glow hadn't even blinked anytime recently, but he didn't dare deviate from their course. It was like walking around blindfolded, if he didn't keep on track he might never find his was back or to Airwolf.

Le came up beside him. "Do you think we passed it already?"

"No. It was pretty far away, probably still another quarter of a mile to go," he replied, not allowing any of his growing doubt to seep into his voice.

"Oh, ok."

He admired Le's ability to trust him fully and wished he could do the same.

They continued trekking along alone in the endless desert. In the darkness the distance seemed even farther than it actually was, and even String was beginning to doubt his navigation. Maybe that hadn't been Airwolf at all, or maybe they had just wanted to see it so badly they thought they had… He tried to push the doubt aside, but it kept creeping back up. They could be fifty yards away and never see her. He had been so eager to find her and her crew that he hadn't even thought of the consequences if the mysterious light stopped blinking or if they got turned around.

Automatically, String glanced down at his watch, but in the darkness he could read it. Shining the flashlight on it, he made out the time. They had already been walking for a good while. As much as he hated to admit it, they should head back to the Jet Ranger and wait until morning; that would have been the more logical, safer, and easier thing to do in the first place. He let out a long breath, half smiling to himself; some things he couldn't learn to do the easy way. He reluctantly turned to start back, his flashlight catching something as he did so. He turned back to see what it was, but the flashlight went out.

'Brilliant,' he thought, I was too stupid to bring extra batteries for all my little accessories. What good is a light if you can't use it?'

'Accessory battery- affirmative. Lights on.'

Mike was suddenly awoken by an abrupt flood of light inside and around the cockpit.

String spun around, squinting at the blindingly bright search lights. Airwolf! He ran over, Le only a few steps behind him.

Mike, trying to ignore the pain in his left arm, shoved the hatch door opened and ran out to meet String and Le.

The greeting was brief and String was relieved to find mike had not been seriously injured.

"It's pretty sore," he admitted, "I'll even bet it'll be four nice shades of purple, but I don't think it's broke."

String's relief didn't last long when Mike Rivers continued though.

"I don't know how bad your brother id hurt. He's been unconscious since we landed, crashed, skidded, whatever you call it. He hit his head pretty good and I'm sure he'll have a killer headache when he wakes up, but I don't know when that'll be."

"How long have you been out here?" String asked, trying to access the damage.

"A few hours, my best guess."

"What happened?" Le interrupted with his own question, unable to keep quiet any longer.

"After our mission was completed, we started heading back to the Lair. It didn't take us long to figure out the radio was dead, but that could wait until we got back. It spread like some kind of disease though and soon every electronic was fried."

"Why didn't you switch to manual override then?"

"Tried. Nothing worked; it was like trying to fly a model with no wiring. It can't be done. With what Saint John tried we should have been doing back flips or at least landing alright, but as you can see, that didn't go too well. She's seemed dead pretty much since we got here. I tried to fix the radio, but it wasn't cooperating too well either," Mike explained. "I figured I could call you guys and let you know what was going on or call for help, but I didn't keep it working long enough to do either very well."

"I guess our first priority should be to get medical help," String decided, "then I'll figure out some way to get the Lady back to the Lair at least."

"I'll do whatever you need me to," Mike volunteered. "I'm tired of making decisions though. It's nerve racking to have everything depending on you."

"Gee, thanks for the encouragement," String remarked. "Go ahead and try the radio one more time."

"Whatever you say, Captain," Mike said with a mock salute.

"You know, you outrank me, Major, maybe you should be the one calling the shots."

"No thank you. You don't do that in the air and I'm an _Air Force_ major, so I'll let you have the higher up position this time."

Mike went back around and tried the radio again. "It looks like we have power again, but still no electronics," Rivers reported.

"Do we have enough power to get her back in the air?"

"I don't know, but if we do you'll still have to do it all manually."

"That's doable. Let's try getting her back into the air."

Mike took the engineer's seat and Le sat in the jump seat next to him. String took the co-pilot's still leery of moving Saint John too much.

"You sure this is a good idea with Saint John you know…"

"No," String admitted, "but even if we were able to for medical help, they'd have to use life flight anyway. This is my choice of life flight, much faster anyways."

String pressed the button labeled 'start one' as Mike monitored the power levels from the back.

"You don't have enough power."

"Let's try it again."

If you keep doing the same thing expect the same results.

"That's all she's got."

"Alright," String said, releasing a sigh of frustration. "Bypass the mains and try for a quick start on the secondaries."

After a long hesitation, the rotors began to slowly circle until they gained enough momentum for liftoff.

"You got her into the air!" Mike sated the obvious over excitedly. "Now let's see if we can get somewhere."

"Give me the coordinates to the nearest hospital. FIRM or not."

Mike cast him a questioning glance but obeyed.

"We can say he hit his head in a controlled crash. They don't need to know it was a top secret military helicopter her crashed instead of a normal one."

"True, but I would call that crash anything but controlled," Mike said even as he searched for a hospital. "The community hospital in Van Nuys in the closest one."

"Fine. I know where that is, just hoping for something closer."

They started off.

"Turbos," String called out.

"No can do," Mike answered. "First off, I don't think Saint John needs to be pulling the G's. Secondly, we can't get enough power to the turbines anyway."

No reply.

"Look on the bright side, even at conventional; Airwolf is faster than the Jet Ranger would be."

"Yeah, I know," String allowed begrudgingly. "I just want to do all I can to help him, and it's seeming like that is getting to be less and less."

At last, they landed on top of the hospital.

"You go stay with your brother. I'll guard the Lady."

String nodded. "Thanks."

"What are buddies for?" Mike grinned. It didn't matter how much he'd have liked to be in there to support Saint John; he needed String more and somebody had to stay with the Lady.

\A/

Ellie stirred restlessly. The phone rang across the room, and she picked it up even before the second ring.

"Hello," she answered. It had to be something important to be calling her at three in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

"It's String," the voice on the other end said.

"Where are you? Is everything alright?"

"I'm at the community hospital in LA."

Ellie tried not to leap to conclusions but it was difficult. "Are you ok?"

"Physically just tired. Mentally exhausted and worried. Le and I found Saint John and Mike; I'm still waiting on some news though."

"Community hospital in Los Angeles you said? I'll be right there." She hung up the phone before he had the chance to say another word.

String next called Dom's apartment.

A tired, slightly grumpy man picked up, obviously not liking having his sleep interrupted.

"It's String," he began again.

"String! What are you doing calling me in the middle of the night? Just cause you don't sleep doesn't mean the rest the world don't either."

"Just thought I'd tell you we found Saint John and Mike. He's at the community hospital if you want to come by."

"The hospital! Why didn't you say so? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Dom," he addressed before he could hang up.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Would you stop by the hangar and radio Caitlin; she'll be wondering where I am."

"No problem," Dom answered. "I'll see you soon, kid."

\A/

Caitlin awoke from the light sleep she finally drifted into after hours or worrying. Somebody was trying to get in. Instinctively, she reached for Chance first, but the intruder was in before she got a chance to defend herself.

"Dom?" she questioned as the lights flicked on. "What are you doing here?"

A puzzled look crossed his face. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I was sleeping here," she explained. "Saint John and Mike had to get the Lair as fast as possible so they took a Jet Ranger, and String disappeared with the other one."

"You could've stayed over at my place," Dominic offered.

"Didn't even think of it until well after you had left. So, do you visit the hangar this time every morning or is tonight special?"

"I came to tell you String's up at the hospital-"

Panic washed over her before he even finished the sentence. "What's wrong?" Awful ideas flashed before her eyes. There could've been a crash, he could be a little scratched and bruised or what if it was worse? What about Saint John and Mike? Something terrible might have happened.

Dom interrupted her self induced nightmare with only semi calming words. "String is fine. He and Le found the others, but there isn't any news on their condition yet."

"Let's get up there then," she said even as she finished grabbing Chance and his diaper bag.

\A/

String paced the floor anxiously awaiting some kind of news on his brother's condition. Mike appeared from the elevator area.

"Still nothing," String reported, already making for the elevators. Someone had to stay with Airwolf.

"It'll be ok," Mike assured him. "Le's up there and I'll go back in just a little while, but if I'm here anyway, I guess it can't hurt to get one of the doctors to take a quick look at my arm. That kid's pretty good ya know. When did you teach him all that stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"All the electronics and all. When I left he was working on fixing the radio and he seemed to have more of a clue than I did. I'm no professional mechanic, but I don't think I'm that bad either."

String shook his head, totally dumbfounded. "He must have just picked it up along the way sometime or learned a few things at the hangar, unless Saint John has been teaching him."

Mike shrugged, then immediately stopped. "Oww, I guess maybe that isn't such a hot idea. Anyway, I was just curious, but it's no big deal. Don't worry I'll be back up there before you know it."

String went back to pacing. This waiting and not knowing was tough on even the most patient people, and he didn't consider himself all that patient. Time passed at a crawl, if that, every minute like an hour. So tired of waiting that he felt like pounding his own head into the wall until he was unconscious just so he didn't have to go through this unbearable wait, he marched down the hall, demanding to know something, anything, what they were doing, trying, or thinking.

"Let's see," the young nurse said aloud while typing information in on the keyboard. "Mike Rivers…. He was released after a quick check with the doctor and an x-ray, severely bruised, but otherwise ok."

"And Saint John Hawke?" String asked impatiently.

More clicking of keys; she had to be the world's slowest typer. "He is currently under thorough examination."

"What else?" he interrogated.

"That's all it says," the young brunette answered.

"That's not good enough," he muttered as he stalked down the neutral colored hallways in search of a doctor that would hopefully give him more information. Finding one, he asked about his brother's condition.

The doctor, much more helpful than the nurse, said, "He's got a nasty bruise on his forehead, but no neck or spinal injures were obvious. His assigned general physician, Doctor Rutherford, plans to get a CT scan and an MRI as soon as possible. He will be treated as though he has head trauma and possible neck and spinal injures until we can confirm he doesn't though; so don't be too alarmed if you see him and he doesn't look too good with a neck brace and backboard.

"Off the record, I haven't seen him much after he first arrived, but I think maybe a concussion and some bruises, nothing life threatening."

"What about him being unconscious for so long?" String asked inquisitively.

"That did add some concern as far as I'm concerned, but if he hit his head pretty hard, coconsciousness is to be expected."

"Thank you," String said, genuinely grateful. He made his way back to the waiting room to await more definite, hopefully equally as good news and company.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Ellie showed up first, highly distressed about Saint John's condition. "What happened to them in the first place?"

"Systems failure, controlled crash in a very dark and remote place," String replied without missing a beat. The doctor I talked to seemed to think he'll be alright though."

A doctor and two nurses escorted one of the gurneys down the hallway to the neurology department. It was Saint John.

String tried to explain what the doctor had told him about it probably looking wore than it was, but he wasn't getting though to her. He caught the sharp looks from a passing by nurse who looked like she really didn't enjoy the nightshift and the young brunette unsubtly urging her to be quiet and that there were patients sleeping while she carried on.

"Ellie," he whispered, "Ellie."

She ignored him and kept on whimpering. "It's too much. Arthur and now Saint John too," she fussed.

"He's going to be fine, Ellie"

She continued on.

Taking her by the hand, he led her out of the waiting room and down the hall back to the elevators. He took a firm grip on her. "Ellie, listen to me," he said authoritatively.

She looked up with large, teary, brown eyes like a guilty child.

He didn't fall for the puppy dog look. "If you want to be any help to Saint John you're going to have to get a hold of yourself."

"But…." she sniffed, "but-oh you saw him. How is he supposed to be alright after that?!" she demanded, growing irritated at his detached lack of sympathy.

He was glad she hadn't been there for the helicopter incident that had almost killed him and Dom or when the grudeholding Vietnamese had used Saint John as target practice. They wouldn't have been able to keep her quiet until they were safely home, and both times they had spent a good about of time at the hospital.

"The doctor said it wouldn't be as bad as it looked; that extra stuff is just precautionary. Now get a hold of yourself, or I'll take you home until you can."

Walking back to the waiting room, they were greeted by Dominic, Chance, Caitlin, and some good news.

"The doctor just came by," Dom reported, " and Saint John has just regained consciousness. He doesn't have any injuries to his spine, neck, or skull. His only problems other than the minor cuts and bruises that were expected are a concussion and mild amnesia."

"Amnesia?" he questioned worriedly.

"Doctor Rutherford said it's only temporary most likely, and he remembers up until yesterday night anyway."

They all looked relieved. "Let's go see him," Mike said as he reappeared with Le. "And don't worry; we took the Lady home."

Saint John sat up against the three pillows piled up behind him and watched s everyone came in, the only sign of injury to any of them was Mike's brusied arm.

"So I'm the only one that gets hurt? That doesn't seem hardly fair; I don't even remember it."

"You're the lucky one then," said Mike, "it wasn't exactly one of your better landings."

"Is the Lady alright?"

"We'll have a little work to do, but she's fixable," String replied. "You're ok, that's what matters most.

"Mike and Le took her back, but I guess I need to leave pretty soon and pick up that Jet Ranger. It might make somebody curious if they happened to be over the area."

"We took care of that too," Mike told him. "Le flew in one Jet Ranger and I took the other from the Lair."

Caitlin returned from talking to the doctor. "Dr. Rutherford says he needs to run a few more tests, but since everything appears to be good, you can go home in the next day or so."

Good. I was hoping this wasn't going to be another lengthy hospital stay."

\A/

Ellie stayed behind after the others had left. "You're really ok?" she asked as if making sure this wasn't some trick her mind was playing on her, making her think her troublesome times were finally over.

"I'm really ok, but if you do recall, you still owe me dinner."

She smiled. "I'm not the one having problems remembering. It's stone cold on the kitchen counter; maybe I should just start over."

"Sounds good enough to me," Saint John agreed, "What time should I be over?"

"I love you Saint John Hawke." She stopped realizing she'd actually said that aloud.

"I love you too, Ellie Mae." He reached past the arrangement of medical equipment to draw her into a tight, loving hug.


End file.
